Abstract Mourning

One of the most profound aspects of performing, in my experience, is and has been the parallels with some element or truth in my personal life.  Art imitates life imitates art is very true, but when working on a project bringing clarity to a part of one's life that was not recognized, it serves (for me) as a sort of therapy, giving deep purpose to the pursuit of the craft, in the first place.  No, I cannot say it has been the case for every single project I have worked on, but I certainly recall the ones I Have been personally affected or healed from.  The one I am currently working on is one of them.

Without going into grave detail - for the sake of contractual obligations - I am presently faced with a loss that (1) came extremely suddenly and (2) is and is not connected to my personal life, in very strong extremes.  My coping with a loss has always been very elusive.  It was almost always someone I had not seen in a very long time - be it family or friend - and therefore quite abstract in feeling.  This particular time, it was a member of my life I just seen a few days prior.  I don't know what to feel or how.  I want to steal away into darkness and I want to pretend I am okay, when I really do not know if I am.  While it was someone I had not known long, I definitely developed a conceivable bond with the recently passed, as well as with the surrounding family.  Dare I say that I am inherently a part of the family; but how do I deal, cope, grieve?   I am waiting to gain that clarity.  Until then, my prayers and condolences remain with the family and friends.  Until soon...

#SmithDonnellE #OnMyMind #loss #hope #depth #mourning #iWillNeverForget